Ok, so I’m walking the dog around the corner from my man’s new spot right, and behind there, there’s a little creek so I walked her along there up until you couldn’t walk anymore. All but two houses going down that way have their backyard fenced or gated, but there’s a definite distinction as to what is people’s backyard and what isn’t so I stayed as far off to where it’s obvious that it isn’t backyard as possible. 
Mojito is chasing iguanas and I’m talking to my mom and out of the corner of my eye I see an older woman coming my way. My first thought was she must be telling me to come move, understandable, whatever. 
I let her get a bit closer, put my mom on hold for a second and in the most respectful way literally said “I’m sorry m'am, am I trespassing? Would you like me to leave?” Because if I was it was totally understandable ya know?
That’s when all holy hell broke loose. 
This butter biscuit proceeds to start pointing her finger and talking shit for literally no reason. I couldn’t make out what all she was saying at first, because I’m steady listening to my mom in my ear tell me to walk away, and then of course I started yelling back at her because she picked the absolute worst time to try me. BUT IM WALKING AWAY.
She starts following me and at that point I told my mom I had to call her back so I could record this woman, because she was going bananas. 
She wasn’t making any sense. Telling me I’m from south Miami like I even knew what that meant, literally getting in my face, following me as I’m trying to just walk away. 
This kumquat actually admitted that I wasn’t on her property, yet continued to talk shit so I’m like you know this is harassment, right? If you just admit that I’m not on your property, then tf are you bothering me for?
 SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO START GRABBING AT ME AND MY PHONE LIKE A BANANA NUT MUFFIN. NOT ONCE BUT TWICE. I gave her two grabs before I punched her dead in her head, AND THEN IM SUDDENLY THE BAD GUY. To make a long story short, this is Florida, she was the aggressor FOR SURE and she got arrested for assault. The funny thing is is that I wasn’t going to press charges initially, because she’s well into her golden years and just got clocked in her dome by an angry black stick. You would think that would teach anyone a lesson, right? Naw. 
The cops went and got a statement from her and came back and one was like….are you SURE you don’t wanna press charges? She was literally telling them that they couldn’t arrest her and all this noise so NO, she didn’t learn a lesson.
She was arrested soon after and charged with simple battery.
She does NOT have any mental illnesses. She is a confirmed racist.