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"I'm an affair recovery coach - this is why people cheat and how couples can rekindle their relationship"

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An affair recovery coach revealed why people cheat and shared how couples can rekindle their relationship and overcome infidelity.
Rece Davies, 43, claims an affair is "an addiction" and says people are unfaithful as a "form of escapism" or as a "pain pill"."
She became a coach off the back of her own six-month affair - which occurred in 2020.
Rece has been with her husband for 19 years, married for 17, and reconciled after her affair.
The affair ended after Rece and her husband dealt with the issues that they were suppressing and she says they are now "happier than ever" and "in a much healthier place"."
Rece she had started behaving differently and dealt with the issues that had made her cheat in the first place.
She admits she "turned into a completely different person" and says she now uses her experience to support others."
Rece, from Central Valley, California, US, said: "I ended up in a really dark spot and had an affair."
"Through my experience, I have been able to learn, and research. I found out a lot of truths that I had no clue about before."
"I discovered that so many affairs are exactly the same - even though the stories might start differently. They all follow very similar patterns, and we end up lying to ourselves."
"We believe the lies we tell and when you realise that so many of them are the same story - you just want to help people wake up to the truth of it."
Rece said that so many affairs start because people are in need of "an escape" or a "pain pill" to help them cope with hardships that they are facing - such as a death in the family, an illness or a high-stress job coupled with issues in their relationship."
In her role, Rece supports both "the betrayers and the betrayed" when it comes to affairs."
She said: "I help both to try and see the truth of what really happened."
"Affairs are addictive and there is a reason why, when someone gets involved and makes those choices, it is hard to get out."
"It is because you get chemically addicted, there are dopamine hits that happen in your brain that makes them addicted to this person."
"I help the betrayed to understand that and I also help people who are betraying to see the truth of this being more of an addiction than the love of your life."
Rece said that one way she helps couples is by speaking the truth about the situation.
She said: "You lie to yourself about never having feelings for your spouse or say how you never really loved them."
"In reality what I do is I try to make you remember the truth of your relationship and help you find your self-worth again."
"A lot of times, shame and guilt makes you continue certain things too because you feel like an awful human being."
"Because it is an addiction, you lie to yourself constantly. You feel like you're in a soul mate, twin flame relationship when really you are just in an addiction."
"You need to really see the truth of the red flags of the situation and really work on your self-worth."
Rece said there are not a lot of things out there to help someone stop their affair addiction.
She said: "It would be trauma therapy and sometimes even downloading an app like a love addiction app - that can help you with getting through the addiction."
"I also tell people to start a negative reinforcement list. You make a list of all the bad that the affair did and every time you start reminiscing about the positives, remind yourself of the negative."
"Who were you before the affair? You have to get back to that person."
"Affairs change you and bring out the worst in you so you need to work out who you were before and make a list of who you want to be again."
The affair coach of two years claims to have helped thousands of couples through cheating - using her own experience to support others.
Rece had a six-month affair in 2020 and said it completely changed her but she and her husband remain together after working through reconciliation.
She said: "When my husband and I walked through a couple of hard years, I didn't go to counselling, I was trying to handle it all myself - I got into a broken, fearful place."
"I was open, not knowingly, but open and vulnerable for somebody to need validation from."
"Unfortunately, a lot of times, affairs are someone from your past or a co-worker and somebody that you have always felt safe with and then it develops into something."
"My own family was like: 'What are you doing? Who are you?'"
"Luckily I had friends who weren't encouraging it and were calling me out - telling me I wasn't being myself."
"At first I was defensive but after a while, I started to really feel like if every single person is saying the same thing, there has to be something to it and I started self-evaluating."
"I called a therapist and I got involved. Once I started talking to a therapist and all my friends weren't encouraging of the situation, I went into deep research for myself."
"I started waking up with therapy, I went to do different therapists, was researching, was journalling, I started finding faith again."
"All of this helped lead me to the understanding to the truth of what it is and woke me up."
Rece's top tips to leave an affair -
- Find the root cause of why you are having the affair
- Make a list of the bad the affair has done
- Speak to your partner about the issues that are making you have an affair
- Remember who you were before the affair
- Seek addiction help
- Have zero contact with the affair partner
Her top tips for overcoming an affair as a couple -
- Actively do things to improve the relationship
- Engage with yourself and realise your needs

- Talk about the issues that has caused one of you to have an affair
- Write a journal

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