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Appears in Newsflare picks
05:03
"Trolls say I'm a 'red flag' for my one dating rule - but it's how I'll wed by 35"
A woman "hoping" to become a wife before the age of 35 has revealed her "golden rule for dating" to avoid heartache - but trolls say it makes her a "red flag." "
Bela Marie, 28, is "fed-up" of waiting for long term marriage commitment in relationships."
She "dumped" her ex-boyfriend of two years in 2022 after "no ring was offered" - and explained that if it had truly been love, "it shouldn't have taken that long" to take the next step."
So she introduced a "golden dating rule" - if her partner does not propose within ONE YEAR of the relationship starting "it has to end"."
Direct Bela sets out the rule on her very first date and "doesn't care" if it sees men run for the hills, as it's the "best way" to stop things "dragging out" and pausing life ambitions - like marriage and kids. "
But when she shared the rule online, trolls said it's "red flag behaviour" and that her ex "dodged a bullet."
Doubling-down, Bela says "it's not about the marriage, but the commitment" and that it "saves heartbreak" against dates who "stall" or have "no certainty in relationships." "
She believes it what's helped her move on and settle in her new eight-month relationship with finance worker, Alex Turner, 30, who - unlike other people she has dated - is determined to keep to the rule and propose soon.
Bela, a business consultant from Los Angeles, California, said: "Time is not a love language. "
"If you have big dreams and goals that require a male counterpart - like marriage and a family - you should not waste more time than necessary on the wrong person."
"So I've decided to set a proposal deadline of one year to wean off the dates who don't cut it. "
"Men have said it makes me a horrible person and a giant red flag."
"But I think they are intimidated by a woman who has goals and ambitions."
"I'm tired of being put through the wringer only to be left disappointed and heartbroken. "
"This way will ensure it won't happen to me again and that I find a man who can commit." "
Bela got into her first relationship in September 2020 and was "hoping" to marry him."
But it wasn't until their two-year anniversary, on a romantic trip to Santa Catalina Island, that she "pulled the plug" on the relationship after he "took too long" to get down on one knee. "
"It finally clicked that there was no commitment to me in the way I wanted and needed," she said. "
"I look back and have no regrets about the decision."
"In rhetorical time we were together, I saw friends meet, start dating, get engaged, get married, and have kids. "
"All the while I was still just a girlfriend."
"The breakup happened on the flight back home where I reminded him of my expectations."
"I'm glad I called it quits and chose myself as I've moved on and couldn't be happier."
Bela explained how she brings up the prospect of marriage on the very first date.
She claims it's the "best way" to weed out men immediately who don't cut it."
"I always tell anyone I date the first time we meet what my expectations are - including marriage," she said. "
"It's usually a casual conversation and it's great way to see if they are worth your time. "
"Some people might think it's a bit intense but dates should be seen as an interview and I see it no different to how you would ask someone what their favourite colour is. "
"I need someone who's certain of themselves, just like me." "
Even if the men she dates have 'no flaws', Bela says she's "quick to move on" and put herself first if he doesn't get down on one knee quick enough and is certain she'll have "no regrets about the decision." "
She added: "If everything is perfect, then there wouldn't be excuse not to marry. "
"People say they may not have enough money for a wedding. "
"But I don't want a big ceremony at all."
"I literally just want my husband and me, and two/three guests with a dinner, some wine and dancing. "
"I care more about the commitment than the wedding, as for me it's the doingness of this that's important to me."
Taking her rule to TikTok, Bela faced some backlash, "mainly from men"."
With many saying she's giving her dates "an ultimatum" by setting a one year proposal deadline."
And that her ex "dodged a bullet" as "putting a time limit on a proposal is wild." "
"Men online have said that I'm a horrible person because of my views towards relationships," she said."
"They say that I never loved any man I date to begin with because I'm never willing to wait."
"However, I'm done with playing into this idea of being stepped up, hoping he picks you."
She added: "There have been many women who say that it makes sense. "
"And have inspired them to make similar decisions to do what's right for them." "
Bela admits that her unique approach has allowed her to move on with new boyfriend, Alex.
They have been together since November, 2024, and is "confident" that marriage is right around the corner. "
"A non-committal person is a tun-off for me," she said."
"I need someone driven and goal-orientated and I'm glad I've found that person. "
She added: "My new partner knows he needs to propose soon and I'm sure he'll do it as we both want the same things. "
"Life is too short to sit around and wait, hoping your date sees enough in you to settle long-term. "
"It shouldn't take over a year for someone to know you're the right person for them."
"And I hope this can inspire women to know their worth. "
"Sometimes it's better to just walk away before you get stood up and left broken hearted with years wasted."
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