A ‘pleasure coach’ has revealed how she has helped hundreds of couples have better sex.

Naturally curious, in her younger years, Kate Shelor dated a lot of men to try and figure out how to get more enjoyment out of sex.

She noticed she was focusing more on her partner’s pleasure than her own but worried that she’d hurt their feelings if she spoke up.

Over the past two decades, the now 41-year-old made it her mission to change this narrative and help others by becoming a pleasure coach.

“In my twenties, I had fun in bed but didn’t necessarily have orgasms,” Kate, from Las Vegas, Nevada, told What'sTheJam.

“I wasn’t necessarily nervous about sex as much as I began to believe that orgasms just weren’t in the cards for me.

“They were so tough to achieve with a partner, that I almost gave up.”

It wasn’t until Kate, a certified hypnotherapist, started learning about hypnosis and the subconscious mind – and applied this to her sex life – that everything changed.

She said: “For the first time I had an actual tool for change.

“Hypnotherapy was something I could actually use.

“After I experienced breakthroughs in how I felt about my sexuality, I started to talk about it on social media.”

Pretty soon, followers and fans people began messaging Kate for advice, and talking about their own sexual issues.

She said: “I took a step back and looked at hypnotherapy and therapy in general and realised how few people were out there talking about sex.

“And sex is an emotional, highly subconscious experience!

“So I decided that this was what I was going to focus on in my practice.

“From there, things really took off.”

Now, she has helped over 670 couples and singles through coaching and hypnotherapy.

She said: “A couple recently told me that after one of my sessions, they had the best sex they’ve had in 30 years!

”When it comes to therapy, I think that confrontation is a key element to helping people find resolution within themselves.

“You can't be afraid to ask tough questions.

“I think an important element to helping people is simply willing to openly talk about sex.

“When I got onto social media and first started talking to people about sex and the subconscious mind, people started flooding my DMs with questions.

"It was really profound.

“I realised how many people struggle with shame, fear and anxiety about sex, and how few places there are to have those conversations.”

To help even more people, the pleasure coach has shared five of her top tips for anyone looking to improve their sex life.

B‌E CURIOUS:

She said: “Just because your last partner liked getting pumped like a machine gun doesn’t mean that that move will please every partner.

“Great sex is about discovery, and everybody and subconscious is different.”

PAY ATTENTION TO MORE THAN JUST THE GENITALS:

There are so many ways to feel pleasure.

She said: “Spend some more time exploring your partner's whole body.

“Their skin, ears, nipples, thighs, like John Mayer sang… “your body is a wonderland.”

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD:

She said: “If you’re in your own head, take some deep breaths and refocus on your senses.

“What is the temperature in the room, what do you see, what can you taste, smell, hear?

“What do the sheets feel like on your skin?

“When your mind wanders or starts to focus too much on the pressure you feel to maintain an erection or to have an orgasm, use this process to get back into your body and tune back into the moment.”

ACT LIKE AN OPTOMETRIST:

She said: “When you want to learn what your partner likes, it can be hard to communicate.

“And asking a plain yes or no question can lead to your partner saying yes when they mean no or just shooting you down.

“So instead, do like your optometrist does [during an eye exam].

“Do you like it more like this...? Or like this...? How about now?”

TAKE YOUR TIME:

She said: “It takes women an average of 15-45 minutes to be fully ready for penetration.

“Moving to penetration too quickly can lead to painful sex and it means the 'giver' has to work way harder to help her reach orgasm.

“Many men say that they struggle to last long enough in bed only to find out that they are spending minimal time on foreplay and therefore they have to pump for ages!

“Instead, put more focus on foreplay and you'll both be more likely to hit the jackpot.”

For Kate, it’s all about your consciousness.

She said: “You can’t change something in one level of consciousness when it was created in another level of consciousness.

“What that means is that in order to create change, you have to work with the emotional mind.

“Willpower, positive thinking and conscious processing have minimal effects, or take a long time.

“Hypnotherapy bypasses the conscious, analytical mind and gets right into the emotional mind and the warehouse of memories.

“We need to be able to access those more deeply held emotions and memories to create resolutions.”

ENDS